The Rules of Poker: A Quick Reference Guide
We used to play poker — I say used to because our host moved away and we haven’t been able to find a new place. Anyway, this is here for posterirty once we start playing again.
Poker Hands
Poker hands are made up of no more than five cards. If you are playing a seven card game, it is your goal to create the best five-card hand you can, disregarding two of the cards.
(The percentages shown are the rough odds of being dealt that particular hand from a freshly shuffled deck with no wild cards.)
Royal Flush 0.0002%
A straight flush to the Ace. 10, J, Q, K, A of all the same suit.
Five of a Kind variable
Five cards of the same face value. This is possible only with wild cards, and the odds of achieving it depend on the number of wild cards being used.
Straight Flush 0.001%
Five cards of the same suit in a sequential numerical order
Four of a Kind 0.024%
Four cards of the same face value
Full House 0.144%
Three of a kind combined with a pair
Flush 0.197%
Any five cards, all of the same suit
Straight 0.3532%
Five cards in sequential numerical order
Three of a Kind 2.1128%
Three cards of the same face value
Two Pair 4.754%
Two sets of two cards of the same face value and one remaining card
One Pair 42.257%
Two cards of the same face value
Highest Card 50.157%
Face value of highest card in hand. This hand is is generally referred to as “I’ve got nothing.”
Worst Possible Hand 0.353%
The worst possible hand is determined by the face value of highest card of the five cards you are holding in a hand that can not be combined into any of the above hands. This hand is only beneficial in specific games. I don’t know the specific odds, but I figure they are about the same odds as receiving a straight.
With a standard deck of cards the lowest hand is A, 2, 3, 4, 6, assuming that all five cards are not of the same suit.
Basic Rules
With the exception of split pot games, the player with the best hand wins the pot. In the event of a tie, the more natural hand (the hand with fewer wild cards) wins. If there is an exact tie, the pot is to be split. In the event of a dispute, non-interested players decide on a logical and fair solution.
We have found that the best way to avoid confusion and hurt feelings is to play strictly to the rules. Antes and betting rules are strictly enforced — forgiveness is available for newcomers, as long as they make good. And do a little dance.
Dealing:
After shuffling, the player to the dealer’s right must cut the deck. The cards are then dealt out one at a time, left to right.
If the dealer runs out of cards it is a mis-deal only if the players deprived of cards call it one. A misdeal can occur when any player feels that they are at a disadvantage because of an event or action that was not their fault, i.e. a card flipped over or was dealt out of sequence. See Mis-Deals below.
House Rules
Over the years we have found that the following special rules and associated penalties have helped make the game run a bit more smoothly. They are based on a sense of fairness, logic and actual events. They can be disputed by democratic discussion, however, rules are rules until they are changed, not retroactively.
Call Your Own Hands
In order to win you must call your hand when showing it. At no point may anyone inform a player that they are holding a hand that is better than they think they have. If there is any doubt the player alone must call the hand (i.e.: nine ball in the corner pocket). In Poker, you show only five cards. Players who fold do not show their cards. Exceptions: “Newbies” will have everything explained to them. “Baby Sharks” can sit next to a mentor and play hands with them so long as the mentor has not played and folded in this game. Any player sitting out (or bumped out) of a round may, with permission, “live though” another and watch the game from one players point of view. This allows for the making of non-descriptive noises, facial expressions and meaningless comments, but no direct help.
Mis-Handling of Cards
At all times, all cards must be held above the table. There are no games where a card may leave that circle. Discards should remain in front of that player where they can be seen by others. You may not go though discards to figure out what you could have gotten. If you show a card to one person, everyone has the right to see it. Any player may request that cards be counted at anytime. If number is wrong, it is a misdeal. If all cards can not be accounted for the deck is thrown away and a new color is used.
Mis-Deals
In the event of a mis-deal, the dealer, or the person at fault, is fined and the game is redealt with all the money remaining in the pot. Any player who folds prior to the mis-deal being called may not play for that pot. Fines are 25¢ for first time offenders and 1.00$ thereafter.
Delay of Game
Any player annoyed at a delay of the game may start humming the jeopardy theme song. If the person delaying the game fails to act before the song is done they must either fold immediately or buy more time at $1.00 per minute.
Delay of Game due to Storytelling
Talk all you want, but keep the game moving. The third and each successive time you need be reminded AND two or more players are annoyed by the delay, it will cost you a dollar.
Babbling
The offender will pay the pot a quarter for each person stunned or interrupted by a comment or joke that is completely unintelligible.
Spitting
Accidental spitting will cost you a dollar to the pot and to the person spat upon. Deliberate spitting has not happened, but would fall under loss of self control.
Loss of Self Control
As confirmed by consensus, the offender will purchase a pizza for the next game.
Toilet Etiquette
When women are present at a game, anyone caught leaving the toilet seat up will be fined a dollar.
Spilling Fee
Spilling a drink will cost you a dollar to the pot as well as any dry cleaning bills incurred. You must of course clean it up. Tossing a drink in someone’s face is not spilling, but loss of self control. It is of course sometimes necessary and when done with style may be forgiven.
Breakage Fee
Breaking a glass is four dollars payable to the host and you have to clean it up. No big deal.
Game Examples
These are games we play. Do not feel the need to limit yourself to or memorize this list.
Key:
D = split pot game
R = lengthy/expensive
V = a non-poker game
Five Card Draw
Nothing is wild, Maximum bet is $1.00. This is a bluffing game, so there is no limit to the number of raises. Everyone is dealt five cards down, then we bet. You can then discard up to three cards (4 if you’re holding and reveal an Ace) and receive new cards from the dealer in turn. After that there is one last bet.
Five Card Double-Draw
2s and one-eyed Jacks are wild. Everyone is dealt five cards down, and then we bet. Then discard up to three cards (4 if holding an Ace) and receive new cards from the dealer in turn. Then bet. Again discard up to three cards (4 if holding an Ace) and receive new cards from the dealer in turn. Last bet.
Low Chicago D
Basically the same thing as Five Card Double Draw but the player holding the lowest Spade splits the pot with the high hand.
Regrets
Basically the same thing as Five Card Double Draw but on the second draw you can choose to take back your first discard after discarding the same number.
Low in the Hole (5 player max with single deck)
A seven card game. The lowest card in your hand is wild. Everyone is dealt 3 cards down, then we bet. Each player then places one card face up on the table and the lowest card remaining held in the hand and all like them is now wild. Everyone is dealt 1 card face up, followed by a bet. Repeat three more times. Then the player can choose to take the last card up or down. Taking it down can change the wild card if it is lower then the lowest card held. Then there is a final bet.
Seven Card Stud
Everyone is dealt 2 cards down and 1 card up, then we bet Next everyone is dealt 1 card face up, followed by a bet. This repeats until everyone has seven cards. Final bet.
Rolling Ladies aka Queens and After
Queens plus 4 cards are wild. Everyone gets 2 cards down and 1 card up, then we bet. The remaining cards are dealt up. In addition to Queens, the last card to follow a Queen as it is dealt out is wild. The wild card changes as more queens are dealt out. Everyone gets one card at a time face up, followed by a bet until everyone has seven cards. Then there is a final bet.
Merger D
2s and one-eyed-Jacks are wild. Everyone is dealt 5 cards down, then we bet. Next discard up to 3 cards (4 if holding an Ace) and receive new cards from the dealer in turn. Then bet. Then again discard up to 3 cards (4 if holding an Ace) and receive new cards from the dealer in turn. Then bet. The dealer then flips over an out-of-play card for each player. You then merge your hand with the player whose card is closest to yours and choose the best five cards out of the two combined hands. Then there is a final bet. If only one partner wishes to fold the other may stay in only if s/he matches the bet for the folded partner. In the event of a tie, the remaining five cards not used in the hand will be used to make a new second hand to determine the winner.
Screw Your Neighbor D
2s are wild. Everyone is dealt 7 cards and then we bet. Pass 3 cards to the left and pickup 3 from the right and then bet. Pass 3 cards to the left and pickup 3 from the right and then bet. To declare whether your going high or low, take a chip under the table and then hold out your fist. Then hold your fist over the pot. Then everyone shows their palms at the same time. A coin in your hand means your going high, no coin in your hand means you’re going low. 2 coins in your hand means your going both ways. If you go both ways, you must win both ways. After declaring there is a final bet and then the best and worst hands split the pot.
Anaconda (a variation of Screw Your Neighbor D
Nothing wild. Everyone is dealt 7 cards and then we bet. Pass 3 cards to the left and pickup 3 from the right, Then Bet. Pass 2 cards to the left and pickup 2 from the right, Then Bet. Pass 1 cards to the left and pickup 1 from the right, Then Bet. Then declare whether your going high or low. Final bet. The best and worst hands split the pot.
Night Baseball [DON’T LOOK AT THEM]
3s, 9s and sometimes 6s are wild for 10¢, a 4 lets you buy a card for 25¢. Everyone is dealt seven cards down. The dealer then flips the top card of the deck over and the player to the left of the dealer turns over one card at a time until they beat the top card. Then that player bets. The next player to the left turns over cards until they beat the previous player and then bets. This continues until one player wins all.
Baseball [DON’T LOOK AT THEM]
Same as above but you can look at two or three of your cards. Cards bought with 4s go in your hand, not down.
Acie-Ducie V
(Note: There’s a variant of this game called Red Dog that has recently become popular in casinos.)
Everyone antes 25¢. The dealer flips over 2 cards. Players bet that the value of the next card turned up will fall between the value of the first two. A tie doubles the players bet. If the first card is an Ace the player must call it high or low. Players may bet from 10¢ to the entire the pot. This continues until a player wins the pot and ends the game.
Seven-Twenty-Seven D V
A non-poker split-pot game in which the person closest to 7 and the person closest to 27 will win and will be very happy. Each player receives 1 card to begin game play. We bet, then each player is given the option to take another card then we bet. Betting continues until no player wants a card. If a player refuses a card twice in a row s/he can no longer take another card. IMPORTANT Face cards are worth 1/2 a point Aces are worth 1 or 11 Everything else is worth its face value. In the event of a tie, the person lower wins. (i.e. a 61/2 beats 71/2 and similarly a 26 beats a 28) If the values are the same then the player with the fewest cards wins. If a player has exactly both seven and twenty seven they win the entire pot regardless of the other players hands.
Guts and its variations V
Everyone antes 25¢ and is dealt three cards, then each player declares whether they have guts. That is, they think that their high card, pair or unlikely three of a kind can beat every one else. If you have guts, you declare by having a coin in your hand. If you are gutless, you risk nothing by having no coin in you hand. The highest hand of the players with guts takes the entire pot. If you had guts, but loose to a player with a better hand, then you must match the pot. All of the gutless players need only ante a dime and the cards are re-dealt. The game ends when only one player has guts and takes the pot unchallenged. Bullets is Guts played with two cards. In Low Guts the lowest high card wins. In Poker Guts the three card hands are 3 of a kind, 2 of a kind, a three card straight, a three card flush or a Royal Gathering (three face cards) can beat an Ace.
Thirty-One aka The Last Game V
The game begins with everyone putting out three one dollar bills. Each player is dealt out 3 cards. The remaining cards are placed in the center of the table and one card is flipped over. The player to the left of the dealer then has the choice of either pick up the exposed card or drawing from the deck. Or if the player has 18 points combined from cards of the same suite he she may “Knock”. The act of knocking is to skip your turn, giving everyone else one more chance to draw, on the calculated risk that at least one person will have a lower hand than you, causing them to loose one pile. The Object of the game is to not loose. Therefore you want to acquire a collection of cards of the same suite that will total a higher amount than at least one other player. If you cannot not knock, or do not wish to, you must pick up the last discard or draw from the deck and then discard. Aces are worth 11 points, face cards are 10 points, and all others are their face value. If at any point you have a total of 31 points from the same suite cards, expose your hand. Not only do you not loose a dollar, but everyone else must toss a dollar into the pot. After you have lost all 3 dollars you have one more chance on your honor. When you lose for the fourth time you are out of the game. Players drop out of the game one by one until there is only one winner who will claim the entire pot. If two players tie for lowest hand the they both loose a dollar. If the person who knocked is tied for the low hand, only s/he looses. To extend a game, the players may choose to have the player acquire the dollar from the lowest hand when they draw 31 rather then everyone else tossing in a dollar. A shorter version is played without honor.